Box of Stuff

An Acceptance and Commitment Metaphor

Suppose we had this box here. This (put various items in; some nice, some repulsive) is the content of your life. All your programming. Thereʼs some useful stuff in here. But there are also some old cigarette butts and trash. Now letʼs say there are some things in here that are really ugly. Like your first divorce.

That would be like this (blows nose into a tissue and put it in the box). What would come up for you?

Iʼd think of something else.

Ok, so let’s say that something else is this (takes item and puts in box). What else would come up?

I hate it.

Ok, so thatʼs this (takes item and put in box). What else?

Iʼve got to get rid of this.

Ok, so thatʼs this (take item and put in box). Do you see what is happening? This box is getting pretty full, and notice that a lot of these items have to do with that first one. Notice that the first piece isnʼt becoming less important — itʼs becoming more and more important. Because your programming doesnʼt work by subtraction – the more you try to subtract an item, the more you add new items about the old. Now itʼs true, some of this stuff you can shove back in the corners and you can hardly see it anymore but itʼs all there. Stuffing things back in the corners is seemingly a logical thing to do. We all it. Problem is, because the box is you, at some level the box knows about all the bad stuff youʼve stuffed in the corners. Now, if the stuff thatʼs in the corners is really bad, itʼs really important that it not be seen. But that means that anything that is related to it canʼt be seen, so it too has to go into the corner. There are more and more things you canʼt do. Can you see the cost? It must distort your life. Now the point is not that you need to deliberately pull all the stuff out of the corner — the point is that healthy living will naturally pull some things out of the corner, and you have the choice either to pull back to avoid it or to let going forward with life open it up.